Protect Yourself

Ladies-we all have those friends.

*You know the ones that aren’t really our friends, but we call our “friends” for reasons we can not recall.

*Maybe you were friends in college, but that was 15 years ago and she is someone who makes you insane now.

*Perhaps she was always really selfish, but you tolerated it because you were in a low place for a long time and now that doesn’t work for you currently because you have worked on loving yourself.

*It could be your mothers were best friends and she has always used that to manipulate you with.

No matter what the reason is, those days are over. How do we protect ourselves from these frenemies?

1) Admit they are one. If the idea of spending time with her, gives you anxiety, GI distress or makes you want fake a root canal. You need to listen to your body. If you have an emotional hangover every time you see her, she is a frenemy. If everyone else in your life cannot stand her, she needs to go.

2) Limit the contact as much as humanly possible. This does not mean you need to try and work it out for the 63rd time, as you know there is no negotiating with an emotional terrorist. She will do something rotten again. Just as sure as I am that the sun will rise in the morning, she will be herself in that she is coded that way. She will most likely be secretly angered at you breaking up with her, and be on her best behavior for a while, this will not last.

3) Do not fall into the reminiscing trap. We tend to get super romantic with our friendships, and sure you had a great time that weekend in San Diego, but it was 2002! Yes, she was your Maid of Honor, but do not forget how she is not happy for you since you made partner at the law firm. In fact, she is downright jealous and spiteful

4) Learn from the experience and move on the best you can. Don’t expect to be over it by Tuesday. Since you know more now, be cautiously optimistic with your new friends. Give yourself time to experience new people and new things. The longer the friendship, the longer it can take to shake off the residual feelings.

“It takes a great deal of courage to stand up to your enemies, but a great deal more to stand up to your friends.”
— Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone


Erin Boardman Wathen.

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